Dear Google

Dear Google,

Thank you for making my life miserable and indecisive. I am in the market for a new camcorder and because of the vast wisdom, knowledge and information that you allow me to obtain through your search engine, I can’t make up my frickn’ mind as to which one to buy. I sit here reading up on all the different formats of camcorders that magically appear before me with just a couple of clicks on my keyboard and I have made one decision, I hate you. You think you have everyone fooled with your colorful and sometimes whimsical logo, depending what holiday it is or if it’s the first day of one of the four seasons, but you don’t. I can very easily use yahoo and get screwed by them if I wanted too.

Should I buy the Mini-DV, DVD, HDD, HDV & Pro HD, or should I buy the DVCAM format, I hate you. Once I decide on which format to use, knowing that it will be obsolete “yesterday” I will then have to decide on the brand, I hate you. What are expert reviews anyway? I look at one expert and he is telling me that this camcorder is the best on the market, and then I look at another expert review and their telling me about a different one, I hate you. Why the hell should I even read a user review? All a user review tells me is that some dumb shmuck that read an expert review got suckered into buying a product that he/she too knows nothing about, then after two days or five minutes of trying their new product decides that they know enough to write a review “I just received my DVD player, I’m happy with it but the remote control doesn’t have an eject button so I have to go to the player to eject the disc. I’m giving this product 3 out of 5 stars”. YOU’RE A FLIPPING IDIOT!!! All my remotes have an eject button and I think it’s probably the dumbest thing on the planet. The last time I checked you really do have to go over to the player to change the disk, right?

Once the brand and format is decided upon I will have to figure on which store to purchase it at, I hate you. Let’s just say I were to buy the Panasonic PV-GS400 which is last years model, but is in my opinion (I mean the expert reviewers opinion that made me think that I have an opinion on this item) better than the newer PV-GS500, I can shop on line for this camcorder and see a price ranging from $800 to $1,400. What the hell is that all about? If I buy the camcorder for $1,400 I will be getting screwed every which way, but if I buy it for $800 I’m still getting screwed, but it leaves me wondering how screwed. Buying the camcorder at $800 seems to be a great “deal” but being an avid consumer I know that the only way to truly obtain a great deal is by stealing the damn thing, something I would never do but I’m sure if I Google “how to shoplift” you would tell me, you thief.

Mr. Google, because of you, by the time I make the purchase of my new shiny camcorder I will only be able to use it to record my grandchildren.

Thanks Asshole.

PS. Since Google owns Blogger, the Google police might come after me. This could be my last post.