Holy Shit………Really, I mean HOLY SHIT!
These past couple of months have been quite interesting to say the least. It felt as if god was telling a joke and I was the butt of it. The joke wasn’t a one liner either, this joke took time to develop and at the end, it wasn’t even funny. Let’s just say that when the day comes that my ticker decides to stop telling the time is the day that I make it up to heaven just to be sent straight to hell for putting a whoopee cushion on gods chair just to get back at him. It wouldn’t be complete justice, but hey where talking about god here, there really isn’t much you could do to him.
It’s been a little while since the last time I blogged. My last message to you all was that I was still alive; usually when someone says that, it means that they are still around just a bit distracted or preoccupied. What you all didn’t know was that I was literally thankful to be alive.
I’m going to be 35 next month, but it’s not going to come easy as one would expect. I’m thinking of crawling into a room made of Nerf, locking the door and eating only pudding for the next 3 weeks so that I don’t choke on anything.
About two months ago I discovered a lump that had me a bit concerned because cancer runs deep in my family. After a week of struggling to keep it to myself because I didn’t want to alarm anyone I went to the doctors to find out that it wasn’t cancer, but something that would eventually go away without surgery. During that same time I started to have chest pains and terrible heartburn. Did I forget to mention that heart disease runs in my family too? Yep that’s right if you’re looking for bubonic plague, malaria, or something exotic that makes your flesh melt, I bet I can find someone in my family who had it, shingles anyone? So, I just recently went to the cardiologist because my wife, mother and close friend wouldn’t shut up about it. The doc gave me a stress test which I found pretty interesting since it requires taking a bunch of pictures of your heart, attaching electrodes to your body, running on a treadmill until your heart gives out, taking more pictures and getting injections of this stuff that is billed as radio active before, during and after the treadmill sprint. What the hell is up with that anyway? Didn’t people build shelters to avoid being exposed to nuclear fall out if nuclear war should happen upon us, and here I am having some guy who specialized in nuclear medicine injecting this stuff into my body three times. What ever, I’m stressing just thinking about it. Hey honey looks what glowing tonight.
The doctor calls me back after the test to tell me that everything looks fine and that I passed. Thanks do I get a sticker? No, of course not. I need to make an appointment with a GI guy so that he can scope my esophagus, which means that they are going to put me to sleep and stick a camera down my throat to see what the hell is going on inside there; that’s in May.
Thank god I have good healthcare. I’m convinced now that I’m not going to die anytime soon because god is having too much fun. However when things were looking a little bleak I managed to buy my wife a new car and completely re-carpet the house.
to be continued.......