I woke up this morning as usual (I guess it’s always a good thing when you wake up) and got ready to go to the office. As I was pulling out of my drive way I felt my blood pressure spike. Someone in a little two door Nissan parked in front of my drive way so that I couldn’t get out. I put my car in park and started to rev the engine, once it redlined I threw it into drive and sped towards the parked Nissan, the impact was so great that the little Nissan ended up on the other side of the street and…………………..OK, that really didn’t happen, BUT I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT! After seeing the car parked in front of the driveway I called the police who took their good ol time coming out; about: 30 minutes. I bet that if I would have done the Dukes of Hazard thing, they would have been here in less than 2 minutes. I explained to the nice officer who wasn’t so nice of the situation, he gave me a look like “I get called over here for this, I could be at a Duncan Donuts with my buddies right now sucking down some frosted jelly donuts”. Our police officers in Pittsburgh are usually pretty nice but I guess there are a couple that need a class on people skills. He put the ticket on the car and told me that if the guy doesn’t move within the hour that he will send a tow truck. I think what really had me upset was that my son James loves policemen, firemen, paramedics, and any other person in uniform that drives around with lights on top of their vehicles. James came outside when he saw me conversing with the officer and he wanted to say hi. The officer completely ignored him as I attempted to get my son involved in our interaction. I realize that the officer was here to do his job, and he did; THANK YOU SIR, but it would have been nice for him to acknowledge my son.
I had to get to the office early because I was out for the past two days and I needed to play a little catch-up. Since today was garbage day and it was at the curb, I had to move the trash about 5 feet so that I could pull around on to my lawn and over the sidewalk. That too ticked me off because I take great pride in my lawn and I know that the weight of my car will pack down the soil and eventually cause thatch which will have to be dealt with by aerating the area (putting little holes in the lawn to allow air and water to seep into the compacted area) where I had driven.
I just received a call from my wife, THEY ARE TOWEING THE NISSAN, YEEEHAAA, that will show them not to mess with Daddy, 5’ 10, 165 pounds who loves to garden, play racquet ball, and spend quality time with his kids. I know, I’m pretty intimidating, but please give me a break; this is my little battle that I won. Notice that I didn’t say war. I can now picture this little car belonging to a 275 pound 6 ’3” man named Victor who takes great pride in pounding guys who like to garden, play racquetball, and play with their kids. Did I mention that Victor is unemployed and it will cost him $300 to get his car out of the pound? He also loves his car; in fact it’s the one thing his wife let him keep after their nasty divorce. Hopefully Victor turns out to be a girl named Sandy who is 5’ 4”, 106 pounds and is the president of numerous chess clubs in the area, and is an advocate of the Peace Corp.
I’m sure things will be fine. It’s just frustrating when people have a lack of respect for you. If anything transpires from this morning’s event I will surely let all of you know. If you don’t here from me in the next couple of days just call the local hospitals, I will be the guy with the rare case of having his pancreas protruding from his neck.
UPDATE: It turns out that the guy was more like a Sandy and not a Victor. Even if it was a Victor I would have been able to handle him, just ask Kim. My wife was walking out of the house with one of Peanuts therapists when she noticed a small guy talking to a cop where his car used to be. The guy, we'll call him Mr No Wheels, was telling the officer that his car was stolen, and that he needed to file a report. It turns out that it was the same officer that had the car towed and the officer chuckled and told the guy what had actually happend. Mr. No Wheels obviously didn't admit to any wrong doing and told the officer where his car was actually parked. The officer told him that he was the officer that had it towed and even if he did park where he said he did he would still be in violation because there needs to be a 3 foot buffer between the drive way and his car. The officer handed him a slip of paper that told him where to pick up his car and told him to contact his insurance agency to let them know that the car wasn't stolen, but towed because of his intelligent parking decision. The officer did not tell Mr. No Wheels who had filed the report (my driveway is shared, so it could have been my other neighbor), I didn't care if he knew anyway; I could take on this guy if needed, lol.
So this morning's adventure has come to a close. Stay tuned for the new exciting adventure of "Out of Contol Nissan Slams into Man while he Repairs his Lawn".