Monday, September 05, 2005

Salesman Wanted

I would like to put out the word that I am looking for the salesman that sold Mattel the idea of using those little plastic twist ties that they use in all their packaging now. You know, those darn things that secure the item to the box to make it more difficult for shoplifters. What ever happened to the good ol’ days when you were able to buy your child a toy and they could open it up THEMSELVES and play with it? NOW it’s a whole process. You get the kid the toy, lets say a Barbie, and they open the box and realize the thing is more secure than Fort Knox. They attempt to remove the Barbie from the box, ripping everything around the doll and making a huge mess, and then they call you in for back up. You take the toy and proceed with the rescue mission realizing that you have a monster inside you that wants to take the Barbie back to Mattel and beat some executive senseless with it. I can usually manage without much frustration when it’s just one toy, but when you throw your kid a birthday party and you have about fifteen items that need this special attention, that’s when I lose it.

I’ve decided that I’m going to start collecting these little twist ties till I have enough to secure an actual human. I will find that salesman and secure him to his car in the same manner Mattel secures their Barbie line; the wrists to the steering wheel, both feet to the gas peddle, the waist to the back of the chair and the neck and hair to the head rest. I will have him towed to his house, where I will fasten a red bow to his head. I will honk the horn and present him to his family as an early birthday gift.

If the salesman that I am referring to happens upon this blog, just know, I’M COMING FOR YOU!

P.S. Mr. Saleman, since I am the owner of a company that is always looking for good salespeople, I may give you a chance to redeem yourself by working for me. I figure that if you could sell those little plastic things, than you could certainly sell media. Warning: If you don't perform, you will be towed with all the trimmings!


Kim Ayres said...

I wonder if it's the same salesman who came up with the idea that if you sent spam messages to people's blogs, they would be so impressed that they would end up visiting your site in their millions, buy your products and make you fabulously wealthy, respected and admired?

Naomi said...

Having just had Kieran's birthday and been faced with those stupid plastic things on everything he unwrapped I'm in complete agreement.

BStrong said...

See, that's what I'm talking about. When I find this guy I'll give you a call.