Friday, May 26, 2006

Communication

Good communication in a marriage is probably one of the most important things that couples need to practice. I believe this is one of life’s evil tricks simply because women believe that all men are mind readers and all men believe that women say what they really mean.
There is only one way to clearly communicate your wants and needs to each other; talk as if you’re both idiots, deaf and one of you speaks a foreign language.

Example: Typical

Husband: I’m running to put gas in the car. I’m thinking about stopping to get some ice cream. Do you want?

Wife: Eh, that’s ok. No thanks.

Husband: Ok, see ya soon.

………….20 minutes later.

Husband: I’m home.

Wife: What are you eating?

Husband: I told you I was thinking of stopping to get some ice cream, and I did.

Wife: Oh

Husband: What’s wrong?

Wife: I thought you’d be nice and get me some.

Husband: But I thought you said you didn’t want any.

Wife: Yeah but…………………..

STOP RIGHT THERE

For all you guys out there the above was a deliberate test by the wife. This all could have been avoided if the IDF(Idiot, Deaf, Foreign Language) method was used.

Revised Conversation using IDF: (spoken a few decibels higher and a bit slower)

Husband: I’m…running…to…put…gas…in…the…car. I’m… GOING…to…stop…and…get…some…ice…cream. Do…you…want?

Wife: YES

Husband: Ok,…see…you…soon.

………….20 minutes later.

Husband: I…am…home. Here…you…go.

Wife: oh,…mint…chocolate…chip,…my…favorite.

Husband: I…know.

Wife: I…love…you.

Husband: I…love…you…too.

The End…..and they lived happily ever after

How difficult was that.

Advice to women: Please don’t test your man unless you warn him beforehand that there is going to be a test coming soon. Also please state what you mean and don’t assume that your man is a master interpreter of the human mind.

Advice to my fellow victims: Keep your mouths shut at all times and if your wives ever say no to ice cream, they are probably lying to you.

8 comments:

Kim Ayres said...

Well that used to work, but then because of our healthy eating system ice cream was off the menu. You have no idea just how bloody confusing that made everything.

Still, I've been studying up on Jokemail's Word's Women Use, so I should be ok...

Michelle said...

There have been times when the DH would ask me if I wanted ice cream and I would answer "umm, no, I really shouldn't" (we eat ice cream waaaaay too much around here!) He's since started looking at me and replying, "in other words you want just a little?"
Me, "well ok, but just a little" I guess sometimes we can be a bit confusing! :)

angela said...

the problem lies in the fact that one of these times she's going to actually SAY what she MEANS (ie. she really doesn't want ice cream). then you go out and get it anyway (thinking you're being all nice and loving and such and you TOTALLY saw through the lie to the truth lying beneath so you're SUCH a good husband), and bring it home.

then you get yelled at for not listening.

BStrong said...

FYI: This post is not directly related to a recent personal experience, just observations because my wife is perfect:)

I will reply to comments over the weekend.

Cheers,
B

RNP said...

You are too much bstrong-wonderful post-and yes you are so lucky to have a perfect wife :)

Stella said...

Of course it's not, of course she's perfect. Just play it safe in future, buy the icecream!

Mrs. Darling said...

Love reading about your baby. I have a daughter with a sensory processing disorder and I added links on my sidebar the same way you did to lead google searchers to the right entrys. I was hoping to see that you had discovered a way to use categories on blogger. But it looks like your solution ended up being the same as mine!

By the way I love this entry. It's so true!

BStrong said...

Kim,
Thanks for the "Word's Women Use" tip.

Michelle,
Thank you for confirming my suspicions about woman. All I ask is why do women do this, why?

Angela,
The whole damn thing is confusing to me. Gay men have it so much easier in the communication department.

RNP and Stella,

She really is perfect; at least that's what she told me to say........oouuuuuuuuuch.

Darling,
I needed to do something because people automatically think that this blog is completely about DS. I think the sidebar categorizing helps.

Someone did a search for "Can cats have DS" and my blog came up.

How silly is that.